Why can't those _______ just go away? And why isn't my priest speaking up about ____________?

I recently participated in a panel at the University of Tennessee on lesbian/gay/bisexual/transgender people and faith. Ministers from congregations affirming of LGBT folks were invited to be part of the conversation. We heard some painful, and some hopeful stories. One member of the audience asked what role the pastors there thought that we should play in being an activist among other ministers. This questions comes up often for me. How involved should I be in leading activism? I often say that I don't lead with an "edge." What I mean by that is that I don't organize parishioners to march, I don't preach sermons declaring that we should demand gay marriage or absolutely denounce war. I feel that such moves should come from within the congregation. I know that I might alienate more people than I would encourage by leading the charge. Am I too soft? Should I be out in front on important issues?I struggle with this as a priest, and we all question how outspoken we should be in any given situation.

A great number of the pastoral issues I discuss with parishioners deal with how much is too much to share.

"Should I tell my sister-in-law how much she offended me?"

"Should I tell my friends to not use racist language around me?"

"Should I hang out with my sister-in-law who often uses racial slurs."

Those issues seem different from leading a march, or staging a boycott. However, they are all about relationship. The activist ideally speaks up for the sake of human relationships, and so does a friend or family member. The relationship, not the issue, often shapes our role in a confrontation.

My understanding of my role as a priest is that I will not be leading the march for any cause other than sharing the healing, and forgiving grace of Jesus Christ. I might march with my parishioners, or without them.

Relationship is a matter of being. I am in relationship with all people. I can't cut myself off from them without suffering.Another question was raised at the panel:

"Who cares if all these people leave our churches because they are upset over the acceptance of LGBT people?"

Well, I do (I try). I hurt because I feel the loss of relationship. I care because I love them (again, this is a work in progress even with those who share my opinions). Love can make us do some crazy things. We might race through the streets cheering, we might angrily take a stand, or we might sit and listen to those different from us.

So, I will listen to my parishioners who ask for advice on taking a stand, praying that they can know what the right thing is for them to do.

I will speak my mind without demanding that others change or agree with me.

I will continue to be visible in public discourse.

I will lead with the edge of loving our God, our neighbors, and ourselves.

Fr. Dude