A revelation, an apology, and a resolution
Ah, the journey of self-awareness continues. I realize that I have spent 40something years practicing at being the good guy. I have chosen to avoid conflict and just roll along to make people happy. Well, that usually didn't make people happy and it is exhausting! So I am sorry for being this way with my friends, family, and people I work with. I resolve to be real. Many thanks to all of you who model that for me. Of course, I give a hat-tip to Jesus who never chose nice over being real. I claim to be a follower so I will try to follow in that way as well. This will take some time as I have practiced being a pleaser for some time. Hey! I also believe in resurrection, transformation, and grace! That applies here as well! You can join me if you like. Let’s be real. Who knows? I might actually be a nice guy.
Now that I shared this I might have to be accountable!
Peace!
Now that I shared this I might have to be accountable!
Peace!
I got several positive responses and what amounts to a good number of likes for me. Even before I posted I was feeling good. I am an introspective type and I had been mulling over things for a bit. I suppose my recent birthday, and several life events had me thinking about how I live my life.
I am reminded of the first of the 12-Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous: We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol- that our lives had become unmanageable. I shared with friends and strangers that I often behave in a way that just doesn't work. It hurts relationships and my own well-being. Of course I immediately started judging myself. I wondered if people would roll their eyes and think I was over-sharing or obviously had too much time on my hands. Maybe they would think that I should save such sharing for close friends or a therapist. Then again, part of the point was that I obsess over the way others might feel. Even with my doubts I was feeling good.
I feel good because I put something out there and stated my desire to change. So I am committing to keep sharing if it continues to motivate me to live in a more healthy way. Sure, it is possible that we can share more than others need to see. Even so, I am going to ease up on the judgement as we are all wrestling with our inner shit. Being open about my own stuff has me feeling a little more open to others today.
I write this because I was actually surprised that sharing over social media felt so positive. I write this because I know others can relate to working to live in ways that help us live, work, and love in healthy ways. I write this because writing and sharing is making me feel good. I will keep it up as long as it works.
