Father Dude's Study

John Mark Wiggers: 'It Is About Trust.” » Metro Pulse

2011-12-22T12:02:00.000-05:00

Check out this interview with me in a Knoxville free paper. John Mark Wiggers: 'It Is About Trust.” » Metro Pulse:

'via Blog this'

Spiritual But Not Religious? Don't Challenge Me

2011-09-01T10:35:00.000-04:00

I recently read a blog entry entitled Spiritual But Not Religious? Please, Stop Boring Me . It is written by a minister who recounts that she often hears the line "I am spiritual, but not religious" when people find out that she is a pastor. I know the feeling. I also resonate with the snarky response she exhibits in her blog. I often roll my eyes and think what a lazy response "spiritual but not religious" seems to be. So I chuckled when I read this response and shared the links through various social media. Many friends (clergy and lay) liked and re-posted. One wise parishioner responded by asking what I thought about this attitude. "Is this the only Christian response?"

First of all, I am sure that the author of the piece didn't mean to dismiss these folks. If this pastor is anything like me and a few other ordained people I know, she is also letting fly some of the cynical frustration that bubbles under the collar. (I did say that I resonated with this, didn't I?) In fact, the piece makes us religious types laugh at the experience, and at ourselves. Laughing at ourselves or others is a good place to start when considering a more compassionate response.

My parishioner dug deep and came back with some pointed questions. She said:

I wonder what is your take on this? I thought the author blindly lumped the "spiritual but not religious" together without considering the variety of people who may utter this sentence. People, maybe, who have been wounded by a religious institution. It is also a zero-sum game she proposes: either the person is a cloud-gazing coward, or they are like her, bravely seeking God in humanity. Isn't it possible that they are both without being "religious"? Is this the only Christian response? One that compares and qualifies our spirituality to that of others?

With congregants like this, who needs a spiritual director? This is indeed not the only Christian response. A more pastoral response would take into account where the person was coming from and what their experience might be. Many of those categories are noted in the comment above. Religious groups have done a great deal of damage, and the message of a grand deity watching over us doesn't always pass as positive. Of course, pain and negativity aren't always good reasons to take an easier path.

Most religions worth anything are well aware of pain and suffering. We acknowledge, accept it, and respond to it. A spirituality of the sunset isn't invalid. I believe that we need more than this for true spiritual transformation. I have found the religious community to be a place where I can bring my sunset experiences as well as my wounds, doubts, and fears. I find the rituals and prayers of old that hold me accountable for seeing the beauty of life, and the reality of death. I find a community that challenges me and tolerates me. I am called to consider the wonder of God in nature, and to turn to my fellow humans with compassion.

So, to that person telling me they are "spiritual but not religious" I can offer a listening ear, and share my own journey of what religion has done to hold and shape my spirituality. I can also challenge my own community to be a place that welcomes the wounded without comparing their way to ours. We can realize that some folks just can't be involved in community in the same way as those of us who feel drawn to communion, or can't imagine not having burial rites within the church walls.

Today, I am thankful for a pastor who expressed in a humorous way what I often feel. I also give thanks for a parishioner who called me beyond a chuckle. I will take all of us this with me when I pray using forms passed to me through religious tradition. As I look to the sunset I will hold in those prayers all who find spirituality outside religious forms.

One Sojourner's Journey of Believing Out Loud

2011-05-12T14:41:00.000-04:00

News broke this week that Sojourners Magazine declined to accept an ad for Believe Out Loud, an interfaith organization promoting the inclusion of gay, lesbian, and transgender people in congregations and faith communities. The news and responses have stirred many folks to share their opinion on the matter. I got sucked into commenting on a young man’s Facebook post that expressed pleasure that Sojo did not print the ad. In the midst of all the banter, phrases like “liberal gay agenda” and “the bible clearly says” had me grinding my teeth. I felt the familiar exhaustion of this ongoing argument, and I also felt that I have a personal stake in it.

I take the issue of including LGBTQ people in the church personally because I am the rector of a congregation that has been welcoming for some time. Last year, an older member of my congregation approached me about St. James signing on to be a Believe Out Loud congregation. We presented the information to our vestry, formed a committee, and had an open meeting with the congregation. Believe Out Loud asks congregations to make and publish a statement that explicitly welcomes people. The committee had a statement that they presented to those gathered. Most people were supportive and shared stories of their relationships and experience. A few expressed that the lifestyles affirmed were just wrong, and the church should not be endorsing them. Others were concerned that the statement wasn’t inclusive enough. At the end of the evening those gathered referred the decision to the vestry.

At the next vestry meeting our affiliation with Believe Out Loud was approved along with the following statement:

St. James Church welcomes all people. We believe that God's grace embraces and dwells in everyone. We welcome all people to ministry and worship regardless of race, ethnicity, creed, class, age, gender, marital status, physical or mental ability, sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression. All are welcome.

We subsequently began to publish the statement on our bulletin, newsletter, and website. We also linked to the Believe Out Loud website. The response was almost immediate. People started calling me, and visiting the Church because they felt welcomed. A few months after this process a parishioner did come talk to me as they were distressed about the statement and thinking of leaving the congregation that they had been part of for many years. “Why are we doing this?” they asked. “We are already welcoming. They are already accepted here. Why do we need to say this?” Great question, so why are we saying this?

I believe that the driving force behind the congregation of St. James making this statement is relationship. At our congregational meeting, many people shared stories of being gay and finding acceptance here, of their children and grandchildren, and of their experience of knowing faithful gay and lesbian people who reflect the love of God in their lives. Many of us have known the witness of long-lasting loving relationships that in no way could fit the description of “vile affections” as described in Romans 1. It has “seemed good to us and the Holy Spirit” to honor and welcome these people into our congregations. Many, myself included, feel that we should be naming God’s blessing on these relationships as well.

It has been through relationships that I came to accept homosexuality- no, that is not right- to accept people of all kinds. I was not convinced by “the gay agenda.” My relationships have caused me to look again at scripture, our culture, and my faith traditions. In those things I see that relationships are what change people. Knowledge of God might lead us to relationship, but it is not the relationship itself. In fact, relationships of any kind are mysterious. We can’t know everything about the other (or even ourselves). Indeed, my theology is very much influenced by the subjective, and the felt. I admit that, and know that subjective arguments will not satisfy many people.

In my daily life I am convinced completely by relationship. It is the relationships of people at St. James that caused us to make an explicit statement welcoming all people. Of course some say that no statement is needed as we are already welcoming. Some say that the statement excludes those it doesn’t mention. To that I say that we (at least our particular community) do not make this statement for ourselves, we make it for our relationship to the world. There are people who have no idea that there is a place where they can be welcomed to worship God and be a follower of Christ. Issues of sexuality are at the forefront of cultural argument and attention, so we hold that up now. Maybe we won’t need this statement some day. We have made this statement out of the particular experiences of relationship and how they have changed us. We make this statement in order to call people into relationship with God.

I am trying to honor those who disagree with me, and I am grateful that some who don’t agree with the St. James Believe Out Loud statement have continued to worship and minister with us. I am finding that my relationships are pushing toward my coming out more openly as a supporter of LGBTQ people. So I start today with these words on a blog that is read by only a few people I am in relationship with. May relationships continue to transform us. May relationship with God be declared as open to all.

So Much to Say

2011-05-04T12:39:00.004-04:00

In the light of the capture and killing of Osama bin Laden I have been curious to see what folks are saying around the internet. I am especially interested in Christian responses. If anything, I know that it stirs up many things inside of me. I am glad that an evil man has been stopped, yet i am sad that violence for violence remains the way of humanity. I will not rejoice in the killing of anyone. Jesus calls us to pray for our enemies, and so I do. I come to pray with a heart that is conflicted and searching. I come believing that prayer changes us. For the past few days my prayer has been guided by these words in the Book Of Common Prayer:

For our Enemies

O God, the Father of all, whose Son commanded us to love
our enemies: Lead them and us from prejudice to truth:
deliver them and us from hatred, cruelty, and revenge; and in
your good time enable us all to stand reconciled before you,
through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. (BCP 816)

I have also appreciated the following:

Experimental Theology: What To Say?

I copy the letter below that my friend The Rev. Rob Wright sent to his congregation. Rob doesn't mention it, but he also served in the U.S. Navy.

St Pauls Episcopal church - Homepage

A Letter from the Rector - May 2, 2011

Brothers and Sisters, I greet you in the name of Jesus Christ.

I write in response to the report that Osama Bin Laden and others have been killed. While some will, understandably, rejoice at this news, I do not. I believe many others around the world do not. Something other than celebration is required here. A human being is dead, killed by other human beings. To say nothing of the many human beings killed over the nearly ten years since the war and manhunt began.

While it is reported that Osama Bin Laden was a killer himself-and I have every reason to believe that- yet, even killers are human beings made in the image of God. Some say that justice has been done in ridding the world of Osama Bin Laden, and other "high priority targets," but this is not the justice that Jesus himself lived and taught. At His arrest the night before his Crucifixion Jesus told His disciples,"...those who live by the sword will die by the sword." There is no real justice or victory in the killing of Osama Bin Laden, or in any terrorist attack, or in any war, or with the execution of any criminal, only a tragic continuation of violence as a false solution passed on from one generation to the next.

Please do not think me naïve; I was in New York City when hijacked airplanes toppled the Twin Towers. I was at Ground Zero while the buildings were still on fire ministering to First Responders. I saw first hand what hate and murder produced, and that emboldens me to say these things to you now: murder in all its forms is a moral failure, and a confession of our lack of creativity and civility.

Today I ask you to join with me and other people around the world, Muslim and Christian alike in praying for the souls of all those killed: Osama Bin Laden; the men and women of our armed forces; all the families that have an empty seat at their dinner tables; the nameless faceless people in Iraq, Afghanistan Pakistan and finally for ourselves, our nation and our President, that we would recommit ourselves to the justice that Jesus actually taught, " to love enemy, to bless those that curse you; to pray for those who despitefully use you."

Alleluia Christ is Risen!

Rob+

Good words in troubled times. As we go forward I am comforted by the words of the angels at the empty tomb, "Be not afraid," and of the words of the risen Jesus to his disciples, "Peace be with you."

Indeed.

Fr. Dude

Technology and Lent

2011-03-09T09:21:00.003-05:00

Many of my friends give up Facebook and/or the internet for Lent. I can understand this. What if for every time I skimmed my news feed I was praying or reading scripture? Well, I use my many devices to aid me in prayer and study. I was gifted a lovely Nook Color and I have loaded it with ebooks including a Bible, and some prayer resources.

I recently discovered a plan online for reading the Church Fathers for Lent at http://www.churchyear.net/lentfathers.html . This site has the reading in several PDF forms including one that has the reading schedule and the complete readings. The dates listed are for 2010, but one can easily adjust. I downloaded the full text and converted it to an ebook at Online epub converter, a free conversion site that I have found to be safe and easy. I loaded the text on my Nook and now I can easily keep this part of my discipline wherever I go.

In this case, technology is an aid to my discipline of study. This is not always the case. I must confess that I most often use the internet as a distraction. I do use it to study, and to say the Daily Office, but I am frequently playing games or wandering down a twisted path of links and comments. While I use social media I don't feel like I use it as well as I could. I started this blog years ago, and have but a few posts. Any blog is about shameless self promotion, but most blogs also have some higher purpose. I certainly intended to use this blog as a way to stimulate some thinking about things that are important to me and my journey with Christ. As a priest I have indeed found that the personal becomes universal if we but only share with others. The sermons wherein I preach what I need to hear resonate more with others than when I am preaching about what I think I know. So as I turn inward during Lent, I pledge to make use of the technology available to me to also turn outward. I will better use this blog and social media to share my journey, believing that others might be touched by the reflections of a fellow pilgrim.

So brothers and sisters, do not be like those wire-heads who speak into their tooths of blue to seem important, or like the gamers who ignore the body for the virtual, or like the posters who vent behind anonymous comments. Seek what is good. Proclaim the good news from the rooftops, the laptops, and the smartphones. Do not judge those hypnotized by the lighted screen, but instead let the light of God shine in your hearts.

Have a blessed Lent. Perhaps you might want to do your own search of the internet for helps during Lent. Share with others how you use technology to draw closer to God. For starters, check out what The Rev. Scott Gunn has to say over at Seven Whole Days .

The Dude Abides.

Summer Camp is an Alternate Universe

2010-06-24T12:03:00.003-04:00

I recently served as chaplain to the 8th and 9th grade camp session at my diocesan camp. I volunteered myself for a question and answer session with the kids about matters of faith. They asked some great questions. I readily admitted that I didn't have all the answers. Faith is about trust, and trust is a matter of relationship. In relationships we don't have all the answers.

One child asked about translation issues surrounding Genesis 1:1. (I know! 8th and 9th graders!) The typical translation "In the beginning" can also be translated "In a beginning." (You could also support leaving out the article, thus "In beginning.) So this kid wonders if "a" could indicate that there were/are numerous beginnings and therefore many parallel creations. Well, that could happen. We just don't know.

For me, being at camp was another universe. The beauty of creation, and the easy going pace were refreshing. Many people assume that I must have been exhausted after spending time with these adolescents. That was not the case at all. Instead, I have come back to this plane of existence renewed. The probing questions of the youth were a major part of that renewal. Being able to admit that I didn't have the all answers reminded me that God doesn't require us to be right. God, through grace, makes us righteous people doing God's work in the world (and possibly in alternate realities.)

I got witnessed to!

2010-05-24T15:31:00.004-04:00

On a recent Sunday afternoon I joined some friends and family at her restaurant for lunch. There was a long wait for tables and we decided to wait outside. Being Sunday we had just come to church, and I was stressed out in my clericals. A woman approached me and asked what church I was from. I told her St. James on Broadway, an Episcopal church. She says that she is always curious about what different churches believe. "what does your church believe about salvation?" I gave my standard short answer, that the church, and I also believe that salvation is up to God. We believe that it is God's grace that saves us. She nodded and asked how it is that one is saved. Well, we accept Christ. At some point I mentioned baptism, at which point she interrupts, "So you have to do something?" From that point on, the conversation was hers. She told me how she raised Roman Catholic, and never been taught that salvation was by God's grace. She told me that she'd asked a priest once how she could be forgiven and lamented that the priest did not show her in Scripture that it is God who can forgive and take away her sins. She went on to tell me that she had been living a wealthy life, but had been terribly unhappy. One day, a born-again woman (her description) told her of God's saving grace that it is through faith and that we are saved not by works. She responded and received Christ. She related that a year later her husband to have committed his life to Christ and that now they were preparing to go to a reservation to be missionaries. She gave me a couple of tracts detailing the way to salvation.

I nodded, smiled, and thanked her. My sense was that we both agreed that it is by God's grace we are saved. It was also my sense that she would not agree that we were in agreement. Some of those with me were disturbed. The prevailing complaint was that it seemed to them that the woman felt so sure that she was right that I was wrong. I wasn't really frustrated by the encounter. She was being authentic to who she was. I can definitely say that I've been mulling over this business of grace, works, and salvation. She got me thinking.

It is quite confusing thing, and it's not a new argument. For the first several hundred years of Christianity most of the arguments were about the nature of Christ. The battles regarding the nature of salvation came later. Rightfully, they came in resistance to corrupt systems in which the institution of the church controlled, who was in and who was out. I am personally familiar with this debate as I grew up believing that those Roman Catholics were going to hell because they believed that we were saved by being good people. I was taught a "grace, but" theology. We are saved by God's grace, but we had better believe certain things if we are truly saved.

These days I cling to belief that God is truly in charge of salvation. The sacraments, good works, and even saying a prayer to receive Christ are works that do not accomplish salvation. They are tools that open us to trusting that transforming grace of God. I know that I have to throw myself on these means of grace because these are things that remind me of that grace.

Maybe I will continue some discussion of grace and salvation. For now, I will say that I am believing that it is God's unmerited favor towards us that brings us healing. Even if I am wrong about that, I believe that God can forgive my error. Grace is just that powerful.

I am thankful that I got witnessed to, and I pray that this woman too can cling to the grace God has given us. I hope that she might have some realization that a long-haired guy in a clerical collar also holds to that grace, trusting completely in God to save us all.

National Day of Prayer Hooplah!

2010-04-15T12:49:00.003-04:00

More than one of my Facebook friends posted the following:

President Obama has decided that there will no longer be a "National Day of Prayer" held in May. He doesn't want to offend anybody. Where was his concern about offending Christians last January when he allowed the Muslims to hold a day of prayer on the capitol grounds. As a Christian American "I am offended." If you agree copy and paste no matter what religion you are, this country was built on Freedom!!!

I responded immediately with some thinly veiled snarkyness that I think that this is a good idea, and that our faithful president is standing against the idolatry of civil religion. It turns out that the National Day of Prayer has not been cancelled, but that there will not be a ceremony to observe the day held at the White House. Check it out-

Snopes.com

I usually never respond to the "re-post this if you have a heart, love God, and don't kick puppies" kind of posts. I try to refrain from engaging in much discussion at all on Facebook, especially if that discussion could get heated. So, I have a blog that I can vent on and a few folks might read.

I do have a few things to say about the hype over the "cancellation" of the National Day of Prayer and other such public religious movements. I think a national day of prayer is great. The recognition of the day by our president doesn't move me. The suggestion that our president is leading our country into godlessness by not holding an observance of the day has my blood boiling.

As a Christian, I am offended by the amount of energy put into fighting over public nativity scenes, monuments to the ten commandments, and prayer in schools. I would like to say that I am sure that people leading these fights are well intentioned. My problem with these struggles is that they deal with things that do little to promote the faith, and might even present the faith in a distorted way.

Take the drive to have public monuments displaying the 10 Commandments. I perceive that many folks believe that having the 10 Commandments in classrooms and court houses will reduce crime and improve classroom behavior. Even if people don't believe that, the emphasis on the public display opens the opportunity for that. That, my friends, is some messed up magical thinking, and idolatry that I don't want my government to engage in. Leave the idolatry to religion.

We leave ourselves open to make an idol of any religious practice or symbol. The cross, the bible, the eucharist, and a host of other things can be imbued with superstition. We must wrestle with that in our own religious practice. Prayer is not magic, and God won't love you more if you give more money to your church. Our symbols and practices are helpful tools in our relationship with God. No nation can take away that relationship.

I appreciate keeping some distance between the empire and faith. The intermingling of faith and the state has too often turned evil. In more insidious ways the religious establishment has promoted the notion that being a good Christian means being a good citizen, polite, and successfully capitalist. Hmm, Jesus (and many before him) promoted some prophetic justice making (with mercy thrown into the mix.)

Many people fighting to erect the idols of public religion claim that our nation is going down. I agree with that. The United States of America will one day crumble into oblivion. I don't want to see that, but it will happen. The faith of millions of God-loving saints will endure through the demise of all nations. God's love will not be cancelled, taken, or established by any state.

Hey, man- this is just like, my opinion.

Peace.

2009-12-21T10:33:00.006-05:00

A Blessed St. Thomas Day to All

I can never think of St. Thomas without turning to the poetry of Denise Levertov. The poem below is but one of her poems with Thomas as its subject. I can say little beyond what they say. For the reader "didymus" means "twin." Scripture give this name to Thomas, and it has been the subject of much speculation. Did he literally have a twin, or is this some literary convention?

For my friends who think that poetry is difficult to read I offer these instructions:

1. Don't be distracted by the shape of the poem on the page. As you read, the breaks and pauses that the shape gives your reading are part of the journey.

2. Read the poem aloud. (This goes for all poetry. Stand up, sit down, walk around, and read the poem aloud.)

God bless you in this season.

Denise Levertov

St. Thomas Didymus

In the hot street at noon I saw him
a small man
gray but vivid, standing forth
beyond the crowd's buzzing
holding in desperate grip his shaking
teethgnashing son,

and thought him my brother.

I heard him cry out, weeping and speak
those words,
Lord, I believe, help thou
mine unbelief,

and knew him
my twin:

a man whose entire being
had knotted itself
into the one tightdrawn question,
Why,
why has this child lost his childhood in suffering,
why is this child who will soon be a man
tormented, torn, twisted?
Why is he cruelly punished
who has done nothing except be born?

The twin of my birth
was not so close
as that man I heard
say what my heart
sighed with each beat, my breath silently
cried in and out,
in and out.

After the healing,
he, with his wondering
newly peaceful boy, receded;

no one
dwells on the gratitude, the astonished joy,
the swift
acceptance and forgetting.
I did not follow
to see their changed lives.
What I retained
was the flash of kinship.
Despite
all that I witnessed,
his question remained
my question, throbbed like a stealthy cancer,
known
only to doctor and patient. To others
I seemed well enough.

So it was
that after Golgotha
my spirit in secret
lurched in the same convulsed writhings
that tore that child
before he was healed.
And after the empty tomb
when they told me that He lived, had spoken to Magdalen,
told me
that though He had passed through the door like a ghost
He had breathed on them
the breath of a living man --
even then
when hope tried with a flutter of wings
to lift me --
still, alone with myself,
my heavy cry was the same: Lord
I believe,
help thou mine unbelief.

I needed
blood to tell me the truth,
the touch
of blood. Even
my sight of the dark crust of it
round the nailholes
didn't thrust its meaning all the way through
to that manifold knot in me
that willed to possess all knowledge,
refusing to loosen
unless that insistence won
the battle I fought with life

But when my hand
led by His hand's firm clasp
entered the unhealed wound,
my fingers encountering
rib-bone and pulsing heat,
what I felt was not
scalding pain, shame for my
obstinate need,
but light, light streaming
into me, over me, filling the room
as I had lived till then
in a cold cave, and now
coming forth for the first time,
the knot that bound me unravelling,
I witnessed
all things quicken to color, to form,
my question
not answered but given
its part
in a vast unfolding design lit
by a risen sun.

The Stream & the Sapphire: Selected Poems on Religious Themes (New Directions Paperbook) by Denise Levertov

Why can't those _ just go away? And why isn't my priest speaking up about ______?

2009-11-02T16:57:00.006-05:00

I recently participated in a panel at the University of Tennessee on lesbian/gay/bisexual/transgender people and faith. Ministers from congregations affirming of LGBT folks were invited to be part of the conversation. We heard some painful, and some hopeful stories. One member of the audience asked what role the pastors there thought that we should play in being an activist among other ministers. This questions comes up often for me. How involved should I be in leading activism? I often say that I don't lead with an "edge." What I mean by that is that I don't organize parishioners to march, I don't preach sermons declaring that we should demand gay marriage or absolutely denounce war. I feel that such moves should come from within the congregation. I know that I might alienate more people than I would encourage by leading the charge. Am I too soft? Should I be out in front on important issues?I struggle with this as a priest, and we all question how outspoken we should be in any given situation.

A great number of the pastoral issues I discuss with parishioners deal with how much is too much to share.

"Should I tell my sister-in-law how much she offended me?"

"Should I tell my friends to not use racist language around me?"

"Should I hang out with my sister-in-law who often uses racial slurs."

Those issues seem different from leading a march, or staging a boycott. However, they are all about relationship. The activist ideally speaks up for the sake of human relationships, and so does a friend or family member. The relationship, not the issue, often shapes our role in a confrontation.

My understanding of my role as a priest is that I will not be leading the march for any cause other than sharing the healing, and forgiving grace of Jesus Christ. I might march with my parishioners, or without them.

Relationship is a matter of being. I am in relationship with all people. I can't cut myself off from them without suffering.Another question was raised at the panel:

"Who cares if all these people leave our churches because they are upset over the acceptance of LGBT people?"

Well, I do (I try). I hurt because I feel the loss of relationship. I care because I love them (again, this is a work in progress even with those who share my opinions). Love can make us do some crazy things. We might race through the streets cheering, we might angrily take a stand, or we might sit and listen to those different from us.

So, I will listen to my parishioners who ask for advice on taking a stand, praying that they can know what the right thing is for them to do.

I will speak my mind without demanding that others change or agree with me.

I will continue to be visible in public discourse.

I will lead with the edge of loving our God, our neighbors, and ourselves.

Fr. Dude

Getting Back to My Dudeness

2009-10-07T11:39:00.002-04:00

I may have made a mistake in being so public with my congregation with regard to my love for the film "The Big Lebowski". One 80 year old parishioner reported that in preparation for my arrival she watched the film. After getting past the frequent f-bombs she noted that it was funny, and brought matters around to a place of redemption. So my revelation has made some connection with her, and with others. It was at a previous parish that someone gave me the moniker "Father Dude" due to my appreciation of the film, my physical likeness, and I would like to think because of my way of abiding.

When asked by the St. James search committee I told them that my strengths were preaching, teaching, and abiding. I believe that to be true. I am able to be present with people in matters traumatic, joyful, and mundane. Not knowing how to do something doesn't really bother me. I can abide.

Of late, I haven't felt very abiding. I suppose that the busyness of moving, and adjusting to a new job has me frazzled. My minds wanders all over the place. I feel the need to take care of matters that just aren't my business. As I unpack my books I realize that I haven't read many of them, and think that I must read them so that I can be an expert on whatever their subject. I am slipping away from my dudeness.

Perhaps the worst way to focus is to keeping telling yourself to focus. Taking a step back, and focusing on the issue at hand recalls the dudeness. Who should be held accountable for peeing on my rug? One thing at a time.

As I write this I can see out of my window that it is a beautiful day. There is no need to stay in the study. Today I am called to abide outside. Just thinking about it stirs my inner dude.

New Be-ginnings

2009-09-08T09:12:00.004-04:00

My commitment to blogging rises and falls. Of late, I have had the excuse that I am moving to a new town, and into a new postion as rector of St. James' Episcopal Church, Knoxville, TN. Starting a new job has me thinking about all the things that I am going to get right this time. I am going to be more organized, prompt in communication, and maintain the perfect balance of all aspects of my life. Those are honorable tasks indeed. I often think of such things as a struggle; a mountain to be climbed.

Viewing my goals as a struggle leaves me more focused on the striving rather than the journey. It sounds rather trite, but life truly is about the journey. There are practical matters to be considered on any journey. We must know where we are going, plan to refuel, and take along many of the things that we will need. Such mundane things in no way require that we skip the scenic views along the way. As important as the goal, the way we travel matters greatly.

I often speak of our "way of being". I didn't invent such thinking, I am just taken with it. Traveling with children certainly keeps me in mind of the way we journey. My children can often be focused on being entertained as they travel. I usually don't mind this as I so often prefer not to be distracted. Maybe being distraced is just what we need.

As I start my new ministry here in Knoxville, I know that the journey is about relationships. The primary distractions are the voices in my head saying "work harder", "organize", or "do better". A phone call, an e-mail, or a knock at the door are not the kind of distraction that will take me away from my course. They are often the very things that will keep me on track. It is in those relationships that I will see more clearly where I am going. It is in relationship that I will see Christ at work; in others as well as in me.

Clarity and preparation are essential; relationship is paramount. Being aware of the view, and the beauty around me only adds to the journey. Even more, those moments remind me that I am not alone. My journey is not a singular one. I travel with fellow pilgrims. While I have goals to reach they are not ultimate. My being is rooted in doing the work of God, and being Christ to the world. In that sense, we are all where we need to be. We are beginning, and we have arrived.

I am here. I will always be at a place of new beginning, and I will always be continuing in the work that began long before me.

Evelyn Underhill Quotes

2009-06-15T12:04:00.000-04:00

Evelyn Underhill Quotes: "Every minute you are thinking of evil, you might have been thinking of good instead. Refuse to pander to a morbid interest in your own misdeeds. Pick yourself up, be sorry, shake yourself, and go on again.
Evelyn Underhill"

"How Are You Being?"

2009-06-11T10:49:00.002-04:00

Instead of an actual post here follow this link to my recent ramblings in St. Philips ATL Newsletter

Value and Values

2009-04-20T10:39:00.001-04:00

A message from Bono in the New York Times.

THE LIGHT OF CHRIST!

2009-04-14T16:43:00.003-04:00

The Cathedral of St. Philip, Atlanta, GA

The Great Vigil!!!

If you don't know, there is a tradition of keeping vigils for especially holy feasts in the Christian tradition. As you probably do know, Easter is one of those feasts.

With the Easter Vigil come the lighting of the "new fire". In many places this is actually done in the church. In that case the fire has to be small, but it is still dramatic as it is lit in a darkened church.

At the Cathedral of St. Philip, we light our fire outside. The picture should indicate why. A bonfire is pretty dramatic, eh? From the fire we light the Paschal Candle, and from that worshippers light hand-held candles as we process into the darkened nave to celebrate the light of Christ come to us.

I hope that this photo can give you a taste of this bonfire experience. More than that, I wish you a blessed Easter season. May you know the light of Christ.

Good Friday: The Wall Test

2009-04-07T16:00:00.006-04:00

The Wall Test

When they say "To the wall!"

and the squad does a right turn,

where do you stand? With the squad

or the man against the wall?

In every case

you find yourself standing against the wall.

-Louis Simpson

On Good Friday, Christians around the world contemplate the crucifixion of Christ. An odd thing if you think about it, especially considering that Christians also claim that Christ was raised from the dead. Why dwell on the death?

Death is real, and Christianity doesn't shy away from that (at least in principle.)The Louis Simpson poem above speaks to what Good Friday is all about. We don't look back on the crucifixion as something that happened 2000 years ago that we will someday reap some benefit from. We know Good Friday in the ways that humans live together. We know what it is to be blindfolded against the wall, and we know what is to be the executioner.

I hesitate to elaborate anymore as the poem is enough. However, I caution against seeing this is a moment only to consider the cross and wallow in our responsibility for it. Even more, know that God goes to the wall. Every time we are against the wall having lost it all, God is there. Even when we scapegoat others and become executioner, God is there. God knows.

Having been against the wall, Christ empowers us to tear it down. Maybe Good Friday isn't only about losing it all, but also about all the junk we cling to so tightly.

Let Your Crazy Out During Holy Times

2009-04-02T17:21:00.003-04:00

Calls to my study often begin with, “I know you think I am crazy. . .” I sometimes do think that, but generally keep it to myself. The implication being that their problem is just too small, unimportant, and certainly not worthy of the attention of such a busy priest. (Clergy everywhere are laughing- except for a few hand wringers.)

As we approach Holy Week and Easter, I am reminded that it is usually around such holy occasions that the ‘crazy’ comes out. A few years back I received two requests for exorcisms within a two week period. Most of the calls around holy days are not so extreme. People just get religious. They are thinking about family members who have died, the ones they wish would die, and of all the feelings and thoughts they have been holding onto (This is not at all personal. I have heard people say things like this.) So they reach out to clergy like me, hoping for a listening ear.

I hope that clergy respond to people reaching out for counsel. We are not therapists. I can listen, I can pray with folks, hear confession, anoint, read scripture with, recommend books to, admonish, encourage, edify, and do all sorts of things passed down to me through the traditions of scripture and the Church.

I hope that parishioners can and will reach out. This is all simple stuff. but stuff that bears repeating. Don't fear the anxiety that comes up during holy times. Instead, rely on the traditions of prayer, and avail yourself of the resources of the Church and the community. We just mind find that God meets us in the crazy places of our lives.

Sermon from 3/29

2009-03-30T15:21:00.002-04:00

Save Your Life

Lectionary Reflections for Palm Sunday

2009-03-30T14:43:00.001-04:00

“I have heard the whispering of the crowd;
Fear is all around;
They put their heads together against me;
They plot to take my life.”

Psalm 31:13

I am riding on a high from what I felt was a pretty good sermon yesterday (A sermon that I delivered.) Reading the lectionary for this coming Sunday (April 5) I see some more opportunity to elaborate on what I was thinking when preparing for yesterday’s sermon (one of those “I wish I had said that!” moments).
In brief, my sermon highlighted the anxiety so many of us feel surrounding economic issues of late. I have heard all sorts of worries expressed. Some are important and painful concerns. Some (even from my own lips) are too embarrassing to name. Many of us are concerned about choices that others don’t even have available to them.
In the Gospel reading for this past Sunday Jesus declares that a grain must fall to the ground in order to bear fruit. Something has to die before there can be new growth. The things that I am so concerned about losing sometimes must be lost in order for change to come. Something has to die. Sometimes I get to choose what it is. I get choose holding on tightly or letting go for the sake of truly living.
This coming Sunday is Palm/Passion Sunday. In a brief period of time we will go from celebration to the crucifixion. As I read the lessons, the lines quoted above from Psalm 31 caught my attention. “Fear is all around” describes much of the talk I am hearing. The wealthy and the poor express some anxiety about the future. The crowd is whispering, and the noise is deafening. I would even say that some feel that there is a plot against them. What they have will be taken away. Their lives will be taken away.
While the sentiment may have been actual and apparent when written, most of us can only read this passage metaphorically. There is not a plot to put me down. I know that, but I sometimes feel the opposite. I often feel that losing all the stuff by which I define my life will certainly kill me. Somewhere in my heart I know that life isn’t founded on all the things that I put my trust in.
“But as for me, I have trusted in you, O Lord” the psalmist declares, and the Lord is worthy of our trust. God has a plot to forgive and heal. Christ brings life out of what is lost. That life may well be different than what we have planned, but it is real life that can’t be taken away by economic failure, sin, or even death. An impassioned prayer that reveals our honest feelings will not separate us from God either. So Psalm 31 stands as and apt prayer for these times. May we as the psalmist does in verse 15 proclaim to God our “times are in your hands.”

Inspiration

2009-03-19T15:13:00.002-04:00

Check out this poem by slam master Bob Hicok।

Meeting God

2009-03-19T14:27:00.002-04:00

Here in the study, I often encounter people sharing stories of their faith journeys. I love that part of my vocation. We all have a story, and I find that nobody has a story that is any crazier than any other story. (Some are crazier, but we all have our unique pit stops on the way.)
Recently, I listened to the story of someone desparately seeking some connection with God. They were not feeling close to God at all. As I listened I felt that this person was looking for some special revelation. I had to tell them that such experiences don't happen for everyone. I don't think they heard me.
The conversation continued with the lament that every time they came to church they left disappointed. "I don't care about the music, the sermon, or getting to know anyone. Isn't it really all about me and God?" After hearing that question several times, I just had to answer. "No. It isn't all about you and God." Community matters, and it is in community that we often meet God.
Jesus called disciples to follow, and to do his work. The followers of Christ have come together to work and worship for 2000 years. In serving others and praying together we learn what it is to love God. We may even learn what it is to be loved. I don't want to discount personal devotion. We need that as well. That devotion also needs to have a place for expression. I find that it is easiest with a community designated for the purpose of following Christ. "Easy" may not be the best description. Living in community is hard. No relationship is easy.
As to my visitor, I realized that they were meeting God, but didn't notice God's presence. They weren't meeting God in church or in meditation. They told me a couple of stories of reaching out to others. They had given money to a co-worker in need. They had bought groceries for a needy family. They were meeting God in those actions. God was working through them. They had met God in an unexpected place: themselves.

Inauguration Report: Finally

2009-01-26T12:08:00.009-05:00

I have not been blogging for some time. My virtual study has been dim. It is time to return, and to bring the warmth back. The inspiration this time is the recent inauguration of Barack Obama.

I attended the inaugural, and posted frequently on Facebook during my stay. Folks seemed to like my status updates, and have been asking for more stories. Now it is three weeks since the inaugural, and I am just now getting something out there. So I return to the study.

I traveled to Washington with my wife, our sons (ages 3 and 9), and an exchange student from Costa Rica. We stayed in a lovely inn in which my mother-in-law had reserved rooms over a year ago. Wait, I have to tell you about my journey home before I tell you anything else.

We had to catch the train to Baltimore at 2:00 to insure that we made our flight home. We were leaving the Mall as President Obama was finishing his address. I had followed the rules, and not brought a stroller so I am hauling up 18th holding my 3 year old who keeps encouraging me by saying things like: "I'm soo cold!", "I want to go home!" , "No we can't." My wife flagged down a pedi-cab (you know, a guy on a trike with a covered seat). We hopped in and dude is struggling, but making it. We get to the hotel, grab our luggage, gather our exchange student (Did I mention that she has had a terrible cold for the two weeks she has been in the States?), and decide to catch a cab as we are hearing reports that the Metro stations are jammed.

We made great time, and were at the airport three hours early! We go to check in and find that when making the reservations my wife had purchased two tickets in her own name intending one to be for our traveling companion. The agents are clear that we can't change the name at the airport. We must buy a new ticket! Fine, we can do that. We are then informed that there are no available seats on the same flight. What? Can't we have the one we intend to give up? Apparently not. We bought a ticket on a flight leaving two hours before ours, gathered our crew, and headed for security.

At security, our student has been tagged for review. Of course she has as she is a non-citizen who bought a ticket at the last minute. The TSA agent asked her to stay in place. Apparently she didn't understand, and joined us at the conveyor belt (5 steps away from where she was told to stand). The agent at the conveyor belt freaks, and tells our friend to get back. We explain that she doesn't speak much English. "Well, she needs to do what she is told to do!" We got things worked out and were on our way.

We got our friend off on her flight, and settled in to wait for ours. It was a good wait. We wound up sharing stories about the inauguration with others. On boarding the plane, it turns out that the seat next to me is empty. Well, it was until the nice man behind me moved up so the lady next to him could put her poster collection in his seat. (I am working on many letters to Delta, Travelocity, the president, William Shatner, and most local news stations.)

The flight was fine. Our three year old went to sleep before we left the ground, and we got to see the parade on the in-flight television. Upon landing, my wife and 9 year old son set off to retrieve our exchange student. My 3 year old and I gathered his stroller, followed after. We meet up at baggage claim, and all is well. We have a short trip to the parking lot, and we head for the highway. It is cold, we are tired, and we are almost home.

My wife asks what I want for dinner. It is my birthday after all. She calls my favorite burger place, and orders a feast. After ten minutes or so I notice that something is wrong. We are headed in the wrong direction! I had gone south rather than north! How did we not notice that?

We turn it around, and head north. My nine year old is now expressing discomfort. "I don't feel good.", "I am so hungry.", "I have a headache." My wife wisely asks, "Do you feel like you are going to throw up?" "No, I'm fine." We carry on.

With the car smelling of fries we make that final span of asphalt to the house. Perhaps 200 yards from our house, my complaining son indicates that he is indeed about to throw up. I stop the car, he jumps out, and manages to send most of the vomit out of the car. The rest was all over him, and enough did stay in the car. He declared that he was not getting back into the car. He would walk home. So he and my wife did just that. They met us shortly, and we put the patient to bed.

That was just the ride home. There were other twists on our agenda that weekend, but I generally have one impression of the experience. It was inspirational. With all the crazy things that happened, I would do it again tomorrow. I was proud to be an American, the spirit of the day moved me, and the crowds exuded a positive energy.

So what do I do now? How can I keep this inspiration alive?

That is what I hope to consider as I revive this blog. As it is a pastor's study, I plan to consider all the resources that faith can bring to the work of making a difference in the world.

Just from the ride home I can definitely say that no amount of mishap dampened my joy. May we all have that kind of spirit as we live every day.

THE ABC ON ADVENT

2008-12-03T15:38:00.001-05:00

Check out the Archbishop of Canterbury on YouTube

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8DWu6HfDaA

2008-11-26T15:42:00.000-05:00

Advent approaches and I am feeling like doing some new year’s resolutions. After all, Advent does mark the beginning of a new church year. I often find myself resolving to do new things, to make some changes. I get these urges around transitional times. The new year, my birthday, Lent, and even the new school year send me into a pensive self examination. A recurring theme for me is the recurrence of particular resolutions. They are the standard health, new hobbies, time, and less this or more of that kinds of things. I can make a change for a little while, but then I fall away from my intentions. Some things should never have been on the list or are not worth worrying about. There are other things that matter, they are things I need to change. What is missing? Why can’t I maintain commitment?
I firmly believe that all genuine change begins with a spiritual change. With that in mind, I can easily fall into the guilt trap of thinking that I am not spiritual enough. I also believe that spirituality thrives on community. Individual spiritual “strength” means very little outside of relationship. Perhaps relational rejuvenation is in order before I can commit to an exercise plan or blogging on a regular basis. Thinking about relationships presents a host of questions and resolutions. I can pledge to do better all I want to, but the slightest failure to deliver can send me into my interior cave. Keep it simple. What is something that I can share in almost all of my relationships? Of course, food, I can easily eat with friends, family or strangers.
Food plays a major role in the transitional times of the year. On January 1 I eat as many black-eyed peas as possible, Lent has Fat Tuesday, and so I guess Thanksgiving could stand as the pre-Advent food fest. We could call it “Fat Thursday” or “Jeudi Gras.”
I am not suggesting that Thanksgiving be turned into a Bacchanalian romp. It could serve as a good time to examine relationships. It is a time packed with memories of favorite foods, and family gatherings. It is also actually packed with food. As we break bread together we share, we connect, and we relate. Just getting the meal organized, passing the food, and cleaning up take some communication. Perhaps we could take “Would you please pass?” and “Can I get you anything?” to everyday life. Those two questions can point us in the right direction(s). With one I am asking for help, and with the other I am being present to another. That is just me asking the questions. Turn them around and I have the opportunity to be open to receive. Giving and receiving are the stuff of transformation.
So this Fat Thursday I am putting aside my resolutions and looking at the people around me. I have the suspicion that I might find myself changed. Isn’t that what I am looking for with all my resolutions? I want some change in my being, not new activities. I am going to lift a turkey leg to relationship and expect transformation to come. I will be changing for relationship and looking for the advent.

I am "THE MAN"

2005-10-17T17:12:00.000-04:00

Someone I love recently accused me of being “the man.” No, they did not mean that I exhibit all the qualities of “cool.” This “Man” referred to the one who perpetrates a plot to keep me down. You know, someone who is part of “the system,” that dominating machine that keeps the less powerful in check. How could this be? I can’t be “the Man.” My hair is long, I wear Doc Marten’s, and I wear black almost every day. Well, appearance isn’t everything.
I possess qualities that give me a master key to the door of opportunity to be the “Man.” By race, gender, class, education, sexual orientation, and profession opportunities abound for me to enforce the rules of the dominant system. I didn’t ask for this, but I often enjoy the privilege. Maybe I was born to be “the Man.” Perhaps there is nothing I can do about it. Poor me, I have it so hard.
My own neuroses illustrate an appeal to order. It seems plain to me that people should always stand to the right when riding an escalator. Then, people who wish to walk up have an easy path. Turn signals are there for a reason. The rules of the express lane are paramount for the survival of our society. Everyone knows these things. They should know these things. Anyone who breaks these rules must be living with a careless attitude, or perhaps they are intentionally attempting to destroy the fabric of humanity and send us back to the primordial slime. Devil people!
Well now, all of that out of the way, let us move on. I most often participate in the system by following the rules for the sake of the rules. The ease of giving in to tightly organized systems offers a good fit. Don’t get me wrong, I am not exactly an orderly person. I see the iron as a decorative object, and file drawers are not helpful as one can’t see the things they might need. It is in moments when I need some control that the rules matter most. When I feel that I might fail at some task, lose the respect of others, or just might be wrong I tighten my grip.
Certainly, I give myself a hard time in these moments, but it is on others that I seek to enforce the order of things. I find myself feeling disdain for those who don’t keep appointments or are not punctual. I ignore practical suggestions and requests as they would cause me to deviate from policy. Anyone who can’t see that is just not paying attention. They do not see the big picture. Worst of all, they are not ready to hear the truth.
That, my friends, is contempt. When I hold another in contempt I fail to see them as a person. I see myself as part of the good and orderly system. I see the other as a fragment dangling from the whole page. The best thing that could happen is to cut them off. It would be best for them. I know these things, they have know idea what is good for them. By the way, contempt is fancy word for hate.
Wait, do I truly set out to hate others? No, that is not the burning passion of my life. I do give in to ways of being that lead to disregard of others. While my emotions or intentions don’t scream hate, the results that my actions have on my relationships are destructive. I do want to do good. My intentions flow from a sense that I am seeking what is best. The problem comes when it gets too complicated to consider all the issues. Things go awry when I don’t do as I believe I should do then I go on justifying my lack of action by blaming you for making me this way.
Is there any hope for us? When I say “us” I mean all of us. Any of us can fall into acting like “the man”. Sure it is easier for us wealthy, white males. However, all of us can abuse whatever power we might have, no matter how limited. There is hope. The evidence of love and compassion in the world proclaims great possibility for all of us. It is in being an “us” that we can resist the attempts of “the system” to dehumanize. From the positive, we are all created in God’s image. From the negative, we are all sinners.
We need the aspects of both blessedness and sinfulness to guide us in knowing who the individual is, and to recognize our connection to others. We are related by being. Recognizing you as God’s child opens me to welcome. Acknowledging my own weakness opens up some room for me to receive. Paperwork, rules, and systems might exist well in such a relationship. Yet, if the system exists for the sake of the system relationship will lose. Connection will be broken. We will be “the man.”
There is hope. We can be people who follow the rules and keep some order. We can also live with the flexibility to allow compassion and love to make things messy. Rules take a back seat to human need and relationship. God has broken rules (all the time). Hebrew and Christian scripture give some wonderful pictures of this. Rules were set up for sacrifice and worship (well, maybe God allowed those things). Then when folks started mistreating others God says sacrifice is no good. Sometimes God got so angry that the chosen were condemned forever. Then God comes back and offers a chance to be reconciled. That is real relationship. It is messy, it is a head bobbing, arm waving dance around the fire. That is love.
Maybe I will start a 12-step group for folks like me: “The Man Anonymous.” You can join. We can wrestle with that fine line between compassion and order. Folks like us can develop a good sense humor about our propensity to separate. “That is ‘you people’ kind of thinking. Work the steps.” We can honor the blessedness of all, and know our own weakness. We can refuse to claim strength by being “the man.” We can live in relationship and become “the love.”

Come on in and rap with me.

2005-07-25T23:23:00.000-04:00

Greetings to all the good people taking the time to drop by. My door is always open though you may sometimes find a small dog, stack of books, or drum in front of it. My study is the place where we can study together the ways of life, and I suppose even death is part of my work. (Then again, death is part of life.) Anyway, you don't have to call me "Father." Some folks do, and it either makes me feel weird, feel old, feel superior, or feel like someone is referring to me using a title familiar to them. I am also known as John Mark. I am a priest at The Cathedral of St. Philip in Atlanta, Georgia. www.stphilipscathedral.org
I welcome all parishioners and any other folks who want to stop by. I thought that I would keep a journal of the priestly life as well as offer some reflections on faith and the connections to everything else.
This would be my first attempt at the blog world. I can think of no other reason for me to do this than shameless self-promotion. It could also save others from me forwarding them jokes and other stuff I have found on the web. (I don't do that.) I could be sending those follow up e-mails that say how I am sending you this funny or inspiring syrup because I care about you. (I don't do that either. I just don't send much of anything and now I am going to ask friends and strangers to check out my blog.) Whew, I have to slow down on the Tic-Tacs.
So this is Father Dude's study. I will be looking holy and stroking my beard.
Thanks for dropping by, and many blessings.